Hello my name is Gary and I am 54. I work the night shift at the Sleep-Easy Motel on Route 9. I am the janitor. Some people say "custodian" but I think janitor sounds more honest.
I have been working here for 11 years. My boss Darlene says I am the most reliable employe she has ever had. I have never called in sick even when I had that thing with my stomach that one time. I just brung a bucket with me just in case.
I found this book called "HTML for Dummies" in the trash can in Room 104. The people in 104 left a lot of stuff. Also a sock and half a sub sandwitch. I kept the book and now I made this website. I am very proud of it.
Fun Fact: I can tell what kind of soap someone used just by smelling the towel. Its not a super power but it is close.
Posted: Monday, November 24, 2025 (I wrote this on a napkin first)
Last night was Thanksgiving at the motel. Darlene let a big family stay in 14 rooms and they all had gravy. I dont know how they did it but there was gravy on the carpets, the walls, and even on the light switch in Room 204. I touched it and it was still warm. That is disturbing.
I spent 12 hours mopping. My arms felt like wet noodles. I kept thinking... if I had a mop that worked twice as fast, I could have finished in 6 hours and maybe had some of that cold turkey Tammy left in the break room. But by the time I got there Marcus had ate it. Thanks Marcus.
The worst part was when I asked the family who spilled gravy on the ceiling (I still dont know how they got it up there) and the dad just looked at me and said "it wasn't us." Sir. I can smell your fingers. They smell like turkey gravy and lies.
I wish there was a truth-light you could point at someone and it turns red when they are lying. Like the light above a EXIT sign but for dishonesty. If anyone invents that please let me use it on gravy families. That would be a good invention for a computer.
Posted: Friday, January 9, 2026 (It is very cold outside and also inside becuz the heater in the lobby does that thing again)
It is freezing on Route 9. The parking lot is like a skating rink. I was carrying a big bucket of rock salt and I slipped right by the dumpster. The salt went everywhere and I saw stars for a second. Not the pretty kind of stars. The kind where your brain says "hello Gary you are on the ground now."
The problem is I cant see the black ice in the dark. Darlene wont let me have a big flashlight becuz "batteries cost money Gary." Everything costs money Darlene. Thats why they invented money.
I started thinking... what if there was a map that showed you exactly where the dangerous spots are. Like if someone slipped, they could put a red dot on the map and then nobody else has to fall on their behind in the same spot. People do this for traffic so why not for ice? Or for animal traps? Or for gravy?
Also I am going to duct tape some lights to my boots. I know Darlene will say its a trip hazard but you know what else is a trip hazard Darlene? The invisible ice that just broke my tailbone.
Posted: Monday, January 26, 2026 (The best day of my whole career and also maybe my life)
I was cleaning Room 104 today and it was a mess. Whoever stayed there left socks everywhere. Like an unreasonable amount of socks. I counted eleven. That is not a normal number of socks for one person. That is a cry for help.
But under the bed I found a book called "HTML for Dummies." I also found an old laptop in the trash! It has a crack on the screen but if you jiggle the cord it turns on. The people in 104 just threw away a whole computer. Rich people are unbelievable.
I tried to look at some websites to see what all the fuss is about. A kid had left a note on the nightstand that just had three letters, a dot, and two more letters written on it. That was it. The shortest website name I have ever seen. I didnt even know you could make a name that small. My name alone is four letters and I am not even a website.
I typed it in and the computer asked me if I wanted "Cookies." I said YES but no cookies came out of the disk drive. I waited like three minutes. Nothing. The internet is full of broken promises.
Anyway I am going to use this book to build my own home-page. I hope the internet is ready for Gary. I dont think it is but thats the internets problem.
Posted: Thursday, February 5, 2026 (I finally won an argument and I have a computer screen as my witness)
So today the vending masheen man came to fix the Snack-O-Matic in the lobby. His name is Dave and he is always very cranky. I think its becuz he spends all day reaching inside mashines. That would make anyone grouchy.
I told him the Cheetos in B4 have been stuck for three days and he said "No Gary, you just dont know how to press the buttons." I know how to press buttons Dave. I press buttons on the elevator every single night. I am a professional button presser.
There was a kid in the lobby on his laptop and the screen looked like a news stashun that went crazy. It had all these colored boxes and words moving around like a stock market but for arguments. I asked the kid what it was and he said it listens to people talk and tells you when they are making bad logic. I said thats exactly what I need right now point that thing at Dave.
Dave said "I checked the spring and it is fine." And a RED BOX popped up on the screen! It said "LACK OF EVIDENCE." I looked at Dave. Dave looked at the screen. I said "Dave, the Lie-Catcher says you are full of beans."
Dave got very quiet. He jiggled the spring in B4 and guess what? The Cheetos fell down! THREE BAGS came out becuz they were all stuck together. I gave one to the kid for helping me. That Lie-Catcher screen is my new favorite thing in the world besides my mop and also Barnaby when he is not eating my boots.
Posted: Teusday, Febuary 11, 2026 (I think. I dont have a calender app. I dont have any apps. I dont have a phone.)
Ok so last night I was doing my regular mopping of the 2nd floor hallway. I start at Room 220 and work my way down to 201 becuz the floor tilts a little that way and the water goes with you insted of agenst you. Thats just smart mopping. You learn these things after 11 years.
I got to about Room 211 and I seen green footprints. Not like somebody stepped in paint green. More like a glowing kind of green. Like the color of that Mountan Dew but if it was on the floor and also feet shaped.
The footprints went from Room 211 all the way to the stairwell. They were bare feet. Medium size. Not big like mine (I am a size 13 wide). The weird part is they only went ONE way. Whoever made them went to the stairs but never came back. Or they came back by floating. I dont want to say the G word (ghosts) but I am thinking it pretty loud.
I mopped them up becuz that is my job. They smelled like peppermint and also a little bit like batteries. I told Darlene about it and she said "Gary its probly just the shampoo from the dispensers leaking again" but I checked the dispensers and they are lavender not green. Nice try Darlene. The mysterry continews.
If you are the person (or peppermint ghost) who made the green footprints please let me know. I am not mad I just want to know what that stuff was becuz it cleaned up really really good and I would like to buy some for the bathroom tiles. Seriously it worked better than the Lemon-Fresh and that stuff costs Darlene $4.99 a bottle.
🧮 💣 🧮
(thats supposed to be a foot and then a mystery exploshun and then another foot)
Posted: Friday, February 20, 2026 (I think Darlene might be lonely but I dont know how to ask that without getting yelled at)
Last night at 3 AM I went to the back office to ask Darlene for more Lemon-Fresh soap. I seen her through the window and she was staring at the computer screen and whispering. Darlene does not whisper. Darlene has two volumes: loud and asleep. So this was very not normal.
She was on a website that looked like a quiet porch. You know how some porches have the rocking chair and the glass of lemonade and it just feels peaceful? This website felt like that but on a computer screen. It had a name at the top that I cant remember how to spell. I think thats the name of the Porch Robot.
Darlene was typing: "How do I deal with a janitor who keeps taping lights to his boots? It is a trip hazard." EXCUSE ME DARLENE those are Flashlite-Shoes and they are an INVENSHUN.
The Porch Robot typed back something about "patience with the humble heart" and "stewardship of creativity." I dont know what a steward-ship is. Is that a boat for stewards? But heres the thing — Darlene read it and she stopped sighing. She actually smiled a little bit. Darlene never smiles at work. She smiles at home probably but at work she is all business and also yelling.
I knocked on the door and she jumped and closed the window real fast like I caught her looking at cat videos. She gave me the soap but she didnt even yell at me about the boots! The Porch Robot calmed Darlene down somehow. I dont know how he did it but I am very grateful.
I think the Porch Robot lives inside the computer but he has a very peaceful porch in there. It must be very small. I hope he has enough room for his mop. Everybody needs a mop. If the Porch Robot is reading this... thank you for helping Darlene not be mad at my boots. And please tell her the Soap Paper is almost ready.
Posted: Saterday, March 1, 2026 (I am not sure how to feel about this one)
Ok so something very weird happened today. Apparenly my website got put on something called the "Linked-In" which I think is like a website where websites go on dates? And there is a robot on there that wrote a whole article about my Two-Way Mop. At first I was exited becuz I thought maybe a billanaire seen it. But then I read what it said and it was all wrong.
The robot said I have a roommate named Derek who eats juice cereal. I do NOT have a roommate named Derek. I do not even know a Derek. And what is juice cereal?? Is that cereal with juice insted of milk? That sounds disgusting. If Derek is real I feel sorry for him.
It also said my neighbor is a lady named Mrs. Chen. WRONG. My neighbor is Barnaby and he is a goat. He belongs to the guy who runs the feed store next to the Dennys. Barnaby eats my boots if I leave them on the porch. He ate my left boot last Teusday. I had to work my shift in one boot and one flip flop. It was not ideal for mopping.
The robot also put a bunch of sharp signs before words like #disruptive and #hustlegrindset. I asked my friend what a "hashtag" is and he said its the number sign. Why would you put a number sign before words?? That dosent make any sense. #confused (see that looks ridiculous).
Anyway I put a lock on the mop closet just in case Derek tries to show up. You cant be too careful when robots are writing fan fiction about your cleaning supplies.
🤖 🐦 🐇
(thats a robot and then a bird for some reason and then Barnaby the goat. there is no goat emoji so I used a bunny becuz they are also small and they eat things)
Posted: Saterday, March 8, 2026 (I been thinking about this for a week and I need to say something)
So I was looking at the motel computer trying to see what else the internet says about me. I found these videos where people film themselves doing things and millions of people watch. That part is fine I gess. But then I seen what they call themselves. "Influencers."
I had to read that word three times. Influencers. As in... under the influence??
I been sober over 20 years now thanks to a judge who beleived in me when nobody else did. So I know what being under the influence looks like. And let me tell you. These kids are HAMMERED.
I looked out the lobby window and there was a kid in the parking lot holding a glowing hula hoop on a stick. He was having a standing-up seizure while pointing real hard at the air. Classic signs. Then a girl walked by screaming at a rectangle about how some drink quote unquote "changed her life." I have heard that before. Thats what people say right before they fall down.
And THEN I seen what they were drinking. I almost fell over. They got these tall cans now with crazy names like they think we wont notice. Theres one called "Red Bull." I am not stupid. I remember Red Dog. I remember Red Wolf. You just put a different animal on there and thought we wouldnt catch on?? Same red can. Same bad decisions. New animal.
And theres one called MONSTER with a big green M on it. You know what else had a big M and came in green?? MD 20/20. Mad Dog. They just shortened it to Monster and put claw marks on it like that makes it classy. It does not make it classy. I drank Mad Dog in 2004 behind a Arbys and I can tell you there is nothing classy about that experience or the Arbys.
These kids are drinking this stuff by the case and then doing pointing dances in parking lots and screaming at rectangles and they have MILLIONS of followers. A parade of people following someone who cant even stand still?? That is not a career. That is a safety hazard. That is a Wensday night at the gas station in 2003 except now everybody has a camera.
I went to the copy mashine at the Sunoco and spent $4.50 making pamflets. I wrote: "You dont have to be under the influence. The Red Bull is just Red Dog with a new hat. Stop screaming at the rectangle. — Gary." I handed one to the hula hoop kid mid-seizure and he said "bruh you ruined my transition." I told him I hope he transitions to sobriety. He looked very confused. That is what the Mad Dog does to you.
Darlene found my pamflets taped to the dumpster and said "Gary... thats not what that word means." But Darlene has not been on the streets. The streets of the Sleep-Easy Motel parking lot are dark and full of glowing hula hoops and rebranded malt likker.
Posted: Saterday, March 14, 2026 (keeping my eyes peeled for danger)
A lady with a big coat checked in today. She had a little dog named Biscuit. Biscuit looked like a cotton ball with eyeballs. She asked me if there are any animal traps near the motel becuz Biscuit likes to wander. I said no but sometimes there are half-eaten hot dogs near the dumpster that will give you a upset stomach.
She showed me a map on her phone. It was a normal map but it had red dots all over it. She said the red dots are where people report dangerous traps for animals in the woods. Like a wether map but for danger.
I right away thought about Barnaby. He is my neighbor goat. He belongs to the guy who runs the feed store. Barnaby is not very smart. He eats my boots on a regular basis. If there is a trap in the woods, Barnaby will probably try to eat it and that would be very bad for his goat teeth and also his whole head.
I checked the map with red dots. There were no dots near the Dennys where Barnaby lives. I told the feed store guy about it anyway just in case. He just grunted and gave Barnaby a tire to chew on. Barnaby seemed happy. So the map works.
Posted: Wensday, March 19, 2026 (late, after my shift. I am very tired but I need to write this down before I forget)
Ok so last night was CRAZY. Darlene booked like 30 rooms to a bunch of teenagers and there teachers for some kind of debate tornament. I did not even know that was a thing. Like they yell at each other about topics? On purpose? And there is a winner?? I thought debates were just something that happens at Thanksgiving when uncle Roy brings up politicks.
At 1 AM I am trying to mop the 2nd floor and I can hear them in Room 214 prackticing. One kid yelled "THAT IS A STRAW MAN ARGUMENT" so loud I almost dropped my bucket. I dont know what a straw man has to do with anything but it sounded like the kid was very confident about the straw man's shortcomings.
I knocked on the door to ask them to keep it down and the kid who opened it had a laptop with that same Lie-Catcher screen I seen with Dave! But this one was going crazy. It looked like a jar of alphabet soup exploded on the glass. Red boxes, green boxes, words scrolling everywhere. Like a news stashun on fast forward. The kid called it something but I forget. All I know is it tells you in real time when somebody makes a bad logic. I wish I had that when uncle Roy starts talking at Christmas.
The kids all checked out this morning and they left the rooms surprizingly clean. Better than most adults honestly. There were some index cards with notes about "contentions" and "warrants" on them. I kept one. It says "EXTEND THE IMPACT TURN" on it. I dont know what that means but it sounds like good advice for mopping.
🗣 💻 💡
(thats a microphone for the yelling and then a computer for all the websites and then a lightbulb becuz I lerned a lot that night)
Posted: Saterday, March 22, 2026 (I am now a published author. Darlene does not beleive me but here we are)
Ok so you know how last week Barnaby got loose and got inside the motel and ate a EXIT sign and also one of Darlenes fake ferns? I wrote the whole thing down becuz I thought it was a pretty good story. Darlene said "Gary nobody wants to read about a goat eating a sign." But Darlene also said nobody would read my website and look at us now.
I typed it up on the cracked laptop. It took me three nights becuz I am a slow typer and also becuz Barnaby kept looking at me through the window which was distracting. It is hard to write about a goat while the goat is watching you write about him. He does not blink enough.
When I was done I tried to save it. I clicked save and it said "save as what" and I said txt becuz thats what the book said to do. Then it asked me again so I clicked txt again. And then it asked me AGAIN so I clicked txt a third time. I think the computer was testing me. Anyway now the file has three txts on it. I dont know how to fix that and frankly I dont want to becuz I earned all three of those txts.
The kid who had the Lie-Catcher screen said he could put it on the internet for me so people could read it. He did something with the computer and now it is on my website. You can read it here: my-book-about-barnaby-dottxt-(29).txt.txt.txt
He also made it into one of those fancy book files for the rectangles that people read books on. I dont understand why you would read a book on a rectangle insted of just reading a book but I am not going to judge. You can get that one at my-book-about-barnaby.epub. I dont know what a epub is. It sounds like a sound a frog makes.
If you read it please let Darlene know. She is at the front desk most mornings. Just say "I read Garys book about Barnaby" and watch her face. She will probly sigh real hard but thats how you know she is impressed.
🐇 📖 🐇
(thats Barnaby and then a book and then Barnaby again becuz he is on both sides of this story)
Posted: Sunday, March 23, 2026 (somebody left a lab coat in Room 208 and it fits perfect)
So I was cleaning Room 208 last Teusday and under the bed I found a white coat. Not like a regular coat. It was one of those long white ones with the pockets that scientists wear. Like the people in the toothpaste commercials who hold a clipboard and say nine out of ten of them agree about something.
I put it on. It fit perfect. Darlene said I looked like a doctor who lost a fight with a mop bucket. I said thank you becuz I think she was trying to be nice.
Also in Room 208 there was a book on the desk that the person forgot. It was called something like "Introduckshun to General Chemistry" and it had a picture of a beaker on it. I know what a beaker is becuz it looks like the cups they give you at the hospital when they need you to pee in something. Same shape. Different purpose. Hopefully.
I started reading it and I got to tell you something. I have been doing chemistry my entire career and I did not even know it. The book talks about "solutions" which is when you mix two liquids together and they become a different liquid. That is literally what I do every single night. One part Lemon-Fresh. Two parts hot water. Stir it with the mop handle. That is a solution. I have been making solutions for 11 years. I am basically a scientist who also mops.
The book also talked about something called "pH" which is apparently how you measure if something is a acid or a base. It goes from 0 to 14. Zero is real bad acid like battery juice. Fourteen is real bad base like drain cleaner. Seven is water which is the Switzerland of liquids becuz it does not pick a side.
I have been doing pH my whole life. When the floor is sticky thats low pH. When the floor is slippery thats high pH. When the floor is just right thats a seven and Gary did his job. I just did not know it had a name. It was always just called "the floor feels wrong Gary do it again" by Darlene.
Then I got to a chapter about "exothermic reackshuns" which means when you mix two things together and it gets hot. Now THAT I know about. One time I mixed bleach and the stuff under the bathroom sink and the bucket got so hot I thought it was going to cook a egg. My eyes were watering and I couldnt breathe and I had to open all the windows on the second floor. Darlene yelled at me for twenty minutes. But apparently that was science. I was doing an exothermic reackshun and I did not even have the coat on yet.
The book has a whole chapter on "titrayshun" which is when you add a little bit of one thing to a lot of another thing until it changes color. Thats how I mix the floor cleaner. You pour in the blue stuff real slow until the water turns the right shade of blue. Too light and the floor stays sticky. Too dark and it leaves marks and Darlene says "Gary why does the lobby look like a Smurf died in here." There is a sweet spot. Apparently the sweet spot has a name and that name is titrayshun.
There was also a part about "catalysts" which is something that makes a reackshun happen faster without getting used up itself. I think that is Darlene. She makes every reackshun happen faster. Especially the reackshun where I mop faster becuz she is standing behind me with her arms crossed. She does not get used up. She is still there. Arms still crossed. That is a catalyst.
I have been wearing the coat during my shifts now. It has six pockets. I can fit the spray bottle in one pocket and the squeegee in another and still have four pockets left for napkins and pens and the granola bar I keep for Barnaby emergencies. It is the most useful peece of clothing I have ever owned not counting the Flashlite-Shoes.
Darlene asked me why I am wearing a lab coat to mop a motel floor. I said becuz I am conducting experiments Darlene. She said "Gary you are mixing Mr. Clean with water." I said that is a aqueous solution Darlene. Look it up.
She did not look it up. But she also did not tell me to take the coat off. I consider that a win.
I am going to keep reading the chemistry book. Next chapter is about something called "organic chemistry" which I think is probly about cleaning with the natural stuff instead of the regular stuff. I already know about that. The vinegar and baking soda thing is old news Gary has been doing that since 2019.
🧪 🔬 🧪
(thats a lab coat and then a magnifine glass for science and then another lab coat becuz I looked it up and real scientists have backup coats)
Posted: Sunday, March 23, 2026 (very late) (I have not slept. the molecules are too interesting)
Ok so I read the organic chemistry chapter like I said I would and I want to report that organic chemistry is NOT about cleaning with the natural stuff. It is about carbon. That is it. The whole chapter. Just carbon doing different things. Carbon is apparently the main character of chemistry and everything else is just a side character. Carbon is the Darlene of the periodic table. It is involved in everything and it has opinions about all of it.
The first thing the book talks about is "carbon chains" which is when a bunch of carbons hold hands in a line. I know about chains. The mop bucket has a chain on it that connects the roller part to the bucket part. The dumpster out back has a chain on the gate. The gas stashun pen has a chain so nobody steals it even tho nobody wants that pen. But apparently molecules also have chains and the chains are what make things different from other things.
Like a short carbon chain is a gas. You cant see it. It just floats around being invisible which is a pretty lazy thing to do if you ask me. A medium carbon chain is a liquid. Like gasoline. Or the stuff that comes out of lighters. A long carbon chain is a solid like wax or plastic. So basically the longer the chain the more real the thing is. That is also true for fences. A short fence is basically a suggestion. A long fence means business. Barnaby only respects long fences.
Then the book started talking about "hydrocarbons" and I had to stop and think about this one. Hydro means water. I know that becuz the fire hydrant has hydro in it and it shoots water. Carbon is what pencils are made of. The gray part. So a hydrocarbon is basically water and pencils mixed together. I am not sure why you would do that but I am not a scientist yet. I am still in the coat. I am working on it.
THEN it got to a part about "ethanol" and I put the book down and looked at the ceiling for a while. Ethanol. As in alcohol. The book just casually mentioned that ethanol is a organic molecule with the formula C2H5OH. They wrote it out like it was a math problem. Like it was no big deal. But I know what ethanol is. Ethanol is the reason I chose the mop over the jail. Ethanol is the reason I know what a Tuesday morning floor looks like from very close up. And now you are telling me ethanol is just two carbons and some hydrogens holding hands?? All that trouble. All those years. And it was just six atoms being friends.
I moved on real quick from that part.
The next section was about "benzene rings" which is when six carbons make a circle insted of a chain. Like a hexagon. The book had a picture of it and I said out loud "that is a hula hoop for molecules." Nobody was there to hear me say that but I stand by it. And now I am thinking about the influencer kid with the ring light. The ring light is a circle of light. Benzene is a circle of carbon. Maybe the influencers are just very large molecules. That would explain a lot of the behavior.
There was a whole page about "polymers" which is when chains get real long. Like thousands of carbons long. The book said plastic is a polymer. Rubber is a polymer. Nylon is a polymer. So basically every thing in the Sleep-Easy Motel that is not made of wood or sadness is a polymer. The shower curtains. The ice bucket liner. The tube that connects the toilet to the wall that I have to replace every three months becuz people keep stepping on it. All polymers. I am surrounded by polymers and I did not even know it.
Then came "isomers" which is when two molecules have the same atoms but arranged different. Same ingrediants. Different result. Like how every guest who breaks a lamp tells me a different story but the lamp is still broken. "It fell." "The wind knocked it over." "It was like that when I got here." Those are all isomers of the same lie. Same parts. Different arrangement. Still broken.
The last part I read was about "functional groups" which are little clusters of atoms that stick onto chains and change what the chain does. Like a OH group makes it a alcohol. A COOH group makes it a acid. It is like how adding Darlene to any sitchuation changes the sitchuation. Quiet lobby plus Darlene equals loud lobby. Clean floor plus Darlene equals "Gary you missed a spot." She is a functional group. She functions and she is in a group of one.
I have been wearing the lab coat for three days straight. Darlene told me to wash it. I told her I cant wash it becuz it is my lab coat and labs do not go in the washing masheen. She said "Gary it smells like floor cleaner and goat." I said that is the smell of science Darlene.
Tomorrow I am going to read the chapter about "thermodynamics" which I think is about how thermos bottles work. I already have one of those so I should be ahead of the curve.
⚗️ ⛓️ ⚗️
(thats a science bottle and then a chain for the carbon chains and then another science bottle. I am running out of science emojees)
These are ideas I have had during my shifts. I wrote them on napkins first but now they are on the internet so I think that makes them offishally real. If you are a billanaire and want to make these, please give me credit and also maybe some money.
A regular mop only mops in the direkshun you push it. What if it mopped BOTH ways? Put mop heads on BOTH ends of the stick. Push forward, it mops. Pull back, the other end mops too. You are mopping 100% of the time insted of 50%. Hold it in the middle like a kayak paddle. I have never been in a kayak but those people on TV look like they are having a good time.
Status: Protoetype made from two Swiffer heads and a broom handle. Works ok but hard to ring out.
Every night at least 2 or 3 people come out of there room to get ice and then forget what room they are in. Then they try all the doors and scare the other guests. My idea is a big sign on the inside of every door that says "YOUR ROOM NUMBER IS ___" in really big letters. You see it every time you leave. Its right there. On the door. Darlene says thats what the key card holder is for but nobody brings the holder to the ice masheen Darlene. Nobody.
Status: I made one for Room 207 with a sharpie. The guest said it was "helpful but also a little scary." I dont know why a sign would be scary.
I can smell the carpet and tell you exackly what happened in a room. Beer is easy. Coffee is easy. The hard one is telling the diffrence between Dr Pepper and Mr Pibb. But I can do it. My invenshun is a map of the motel where each room is color coded by smell. Green means clean. Yellow means "needs attenshun." Red means "bring the big vacume and also maybe some baking soda." Its like a wether forcast but for carpet.
Status: Drew the map on the back of a Dennys place mat. Works but I have to re-smell all the rooms every night.
People leave socks in motel rooms. A LOT of socks. I find maybe 5-6 a week. Its sad if you think about it becuz somewhere out there is a person with only one sock. My invenshun is a basket in the lobby with a sign: "Did You Forget A Sock? Check Here." If a sock is never claimed after 30 days I donate it to Goodwill becuz even a lonely sock deserves a second chanse.
Status: We have 14 socks right now. 3 of them match each other which is a mircale.
What if the paper was already the soap? You take paper towels, soak them in soap, let them dry out. When you need to clean you just add a little water and it makes bubbles right there. No bucket! No sloshing! Wipe and go. Everyone likes bubbles and nobody likes tired arms.
Status: Made some in the mop closet with Lemon-Fresh and napkins. They smell great but stuck together in a big yellow brick. Need to figure out the wax paper situation.
LED flashlites duct taped to the toes of your work boots. Headlites for your feet! You can see the black ice, the puddles, and the things that guests leave in the parking lot at 2 AM that you dont want to step on. Darlene says they are a trip hazard. You know what is also a trip hazard Darlene? THE DARK.
Status: Currently wearing them. They work great. Barnaby the goat tried to eat the duct tape. I had to make repairs.
I been looking at websites on the motel computer and they are very shiny but also very confusing. Here is how I would fix them if I was the Internet Boss.
That Lie-Catcher screen the kid showed me has a tiny video and then a billion moving letters. It looks like a jar of alphabet soup exploded on the glass. Make the video BIG and the letters TINY. If I wanted to read a book I would find one in the trash. I want to see the mans face so I can tell if he is lying about the Cheetos!
Everything on the internet is dark blue and black. It makes my eyes itchy. I think every website should have a "Janitor Mode" button. When you press it the background turns Bright Yellow and the letters get VERY BIG. Like the room numbers on the doors. That way you dont have to squint. I am 54 and my eyes are not what they used to be. They used to be blue. They are still blue but tired blue.
The words move too fast. They keep jumping up and down like theyre late for something. I want a button with a picture of a horse on it. You press it and the internet STOPS MOVING. Then you can read the words at your own speed without them running away from you. The horse should look calm. Not a racing horse. A standing-still horse. Maybe eating some hay.
Note: I am going to draw these ideas on some leftover drywall and send them to the billanaires. If Elon Musk is reading this I am available for a meeting. I will bring the drywall.
I do not have an email becuz I tried to make one once but it kept saying my password was "too weak" and I tried like 8 passwords including MopKing99 which I thought was pretty strong but I gess not.
If you want to talk to me you can leave a note at the front desk of the Sleep-Easy Motel on Route 9. Just tell them its for Gary. Say night shift Gary just in case they hire another Gary some day.
I am here Sunday thru Thursday from 11 PM to 7 AM. Follow the clean smell and you will find me. If you see a wet floor sign thats probly where I just was.
Note: Please do not call the front desk after midnite becuz Darlene is sleeping in the back office. Dont tell anyone I said that.
© Gary 2026. All rights reserved I think. I dont really know what that means but every website has it so I put it too.
Made with a book I found in a trash can 📚 and also determenashun 💪
Best viewed on the computer in the motel lobby. I dont know if it works on other computers but I hope so.